Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Gypsy Soul

One month ago today my mother passed away.  It's been the most difficult thing my sisters & I have ever gone through.  Surreal really on so many levels.  Having never lost someone in my adult life I realized all the things people say are true...nothing can prepare you for it!  Most days I feel as if a fog is surrounding me keeping my thoughts unclear and my actions hesitant.  But I have had one realization over the past weeks.  I woke up thinking about it today and decided to share...

Like all of us, my mother was flawed.  She lived life on her own terms.  Her free spirit (or Gypsy Soul) was probably her biggest strength and her biggest weakness.  A characteristic I would generally respect in another woman but as her child I struggled with it my whole life...until now.  You see I realized since receiving the news that awful day - all her faults, all the bad memories, they've been quieted and seem inconsequential.  I'm sure they are not gone for good but ultimately it made me realize just how important the here & now are and the memories I hold most dear are the treasured good...

Van Morrison said it best in 'These are The Days'..."there is no past, there's only future, there's only here, there's only now"...

All of these photos are so precious to me but the one below shows where my love of animals came from!  From one cat woman to another :)

Mom, I Love You...



  1. So incredibly sweet! I'm crying many tears for you and your sweet memories of your mom. So sorry you are going through this. Hold on to the good times and You will slowly begin to heal.

  2. I have enjoyed seeing images of your relationship with your Mom even as you learn to live with the loss. Those pictures definitely give some insight into who you are and the story of a life, especially a complicated one is what most fascinates me. people are gorgeous even when they scare us. i have a mom who scares the hell out of me. And you are teaching me a little about the love that is there anyway. i admire you for writing this down Kari. express yourself. -lisa

  3. Kari, I could't have said it any better! Something one of my patients said to me is that life doesn't have a dress rehearsal and we must live it to the best we can. I feel as though mom lived her life to the best she knew how or even could. I enjoyed reading your blog about mom. Love u! Krystal

  4. Powerful message! Thanks for sharing! I lost my mom when I was 16 and this is so true. When things settle a little, I highly recommend reading motherless daughters. You'll cry through the whole thing, but heal meanwhile. Best to you!

  5. I love u my beautiful sister! Even though moms ups and downs effected us, we were her greatest accomplishments! I'm forever greatful to have had her as our mother, I wouldn't change it for the world! I love and miss u everyday mom! Xoxo Katie

  6. Kari, I cannot imagine the sense of loss or the depth of emotion you must be experiencing. My heart aches for you and your sisters, and all of us who knew and loved her. While we all fall so short of perfection in our lives, I believe she lived every day painfully aware of her flaws. I don't think she could ever have imagined the hole she would leave in our hearts. I believe in God's agape love; a love we don't deserve and didn't earn. I believe she's finally free of her flaws, her struggles, her pain, and that now she's living in everlasting peace and joy. There is no love on Earth like a mother's love. No relationship can express the exquisite beauty and importance and complexity of the love between a mother and daughter. I knew how much she loved you and your sisters, and how very proud of you she was. Embrace every day knowing that the best of her lives on in you. She's in your love, your laughter, your every act of kindness. She's in your sense of style and sense of humor. She's in your smile, your passion for creativity, and she's in your voice as you sing every Van Morrison song..Sing on, Gypsy Soul!! Love you, sweet Kari.
    Your kissing cousin, Dollie Hoag